Tag Archives: spring

Snow bunnying and job hunting

4 Apr

It’s been a while since I last posted – the neverending winter keeps dragging me down and as a solar powered creature I find it harder and harder to even get out of bed. It first started to snow in October, half a year of soul-sucking, mind-numbing, thigh-flabbying winter. I feel robbed – the spring should be here for almost two weeks, I should  be wearing leather jackets and sneakers… but the sunny days were devoured by the icy cold. As if Polish spring and summer weren’t already waaay too short.

Some individuals seem to enjoy the weather though.

Mmmmmph...

Snow? Gooood. Freezing cold? Gooood. What’s not to like?

I must admit that on the first day of Easter, when the ridiculously long blizzard covered the city with a thick layer of fresh, white snow even I found it charming. My fiance took me to the cinema in the evening (my deepest appologies to all the cinema workers who had to stay at work on Easter till midnight for our late night screening of Oz the Great and Powerful) and as we struggled through the empty parking lot, knee-deep in snow, suddenly we felt fifteen years younger.

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

We were the pioneers of snow easter-bunnying and snowbatmanning.

Two days later Easter has ended, our snow bunny got ruined by some people who apparently hate fun and everyone went back to work.

Everyone but me. I’ve been browsing through job offers and sending  applications for over 2 months now and I even got some replies, been to tests, interviews, I’m still waiting for the outcome. I understand the need to process the data of hundreds or even thousands of applicants, but what happened to the good old fashioned two-stage recruitment process? You send your resume, you get invited to the interview, maybe go through some tests and done – they know whether they like you or not. Two or three weeks and you’re either employed or start applying elsewhere.

Well, apparently not anymore. The HR ‘science’ got so advanced that the recruitment process takes at least 3 months nowadays. Today if you want to get an internship you start with sending an online application – but only if you already have some previous experience, otherwise don’t even bother. Then you take an online test. You get invited to a regular test. You go through an assessment centre, and then, if you’re lucky, you may be invited to three interviews. The recruitments starts in March and – if you’re a lucky winner – you start working in September (true story! I’m not exaggerating).

For those who would like to make it all easier there are contests – business simulations, case studies, etc. Just three or four stages later you may get to the final and if you’re lucky, determined, thick skinned and demonstrate the exact right ammount of leadership skills you may win the right to work 60 hours a week for a corporation!

But don’t think that entering the contest is so easy. There’s a limited number of places and only the best candidates will be allowed to enter so you better prepare your resume right. I’ve recently come across a job offer for a summer internship for of the biggest FMCG brands, with the usual five or six-step recruitment process. To make it all easier and find the most determined candidates they offered a case-study workshop/contest, in which the lucky winner would get straight to the internship, without going through all the ridiculously long stages. Sadly, only 24 people will be chosen to take part in the workshop, so – to make things easier, the company organized another case study contest in which you could win the right to take part in a case study contest in which you can win an internship.

Wat?!

Getting a job is no longer a regular step in your life, it’s a competition. If you want a job you must hunt it down, rip its throat and drink its blood until it pours out of your mouth and drips on your perfectly ironed shirt. Your qualifications, grades, multiple diplomas and courses, computer, interpresonal or language skills are insignificant next to the power of the assesment centre. You can’t build a 2,5 meter tower from pasta? You won’t make a good marketing intern. You  can’t do a one hand stand while pouring coffee and making photocopies with your feet? Nope, there’s no place for you in consulting.

The recruitment process is half a year taken from your life and the worst part is that in many cases you won’t know if it’s worth it untill the last interview where you will finally get to discuss your salary expectations (don’t you dare asking about it earlier, you don’t want the recruiters to think that you only work for money! No good worker thinks about money when getting a job!).

A time well wasted.

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