A dog owner’s life

20 Jan

Being on a short deadline with my B.S. thesis (B.S. here being an acronyme for both bulls*it and Bachelor of Science) I decided to use my time wisely and start a blog. So I grabbed a glass of chocolate milk, found a quiet, comfy spot in the kitchen and started writing… I wish. The milk is long gone – it took me almost an hour to find a blog name that wasn’t already taken. Seriously, people who hog blog names and never post a thing should burn in hell. “Hello, welcome to heaven-dot-com, please register to enter. Sorry, this username is already taken!”. I’m already imagining the ghost town that the Internet will become in 30 years, when there will be no more usernames or addresses left.

I came here with a concept, some thoughts in my head that I wanted to get out (mostly silly ones, I’m a silly person) and some cute but horrible-quality photos of my Golden Retriever, to make the reading less insufferable. I’d offer you cats as “CATS ARE NICE” (copyright belongs to certain Mr. Death, created by Sir Terry Pratchett) but I don’t have any. You’ll have to do with the dog.

Anyway, the moment is gone – I’m not sure if what I’m going to write will be any good, so let me apologize in advance – I’m sorry if I wasted your time. Here, have a dog photo to make your day better.


Did I mention the terrible quality?

What I wanted to write about is actually dog related. I love dogs, I always had a dog and I accept my dogs with whatever flaws they have. But I noticed there are many people who are completely unaware of the fact that if you have a dog – especially a big one – the dog becomes a huge part of your life. It’s not just the walks. It’s not just the expenses.

When you adopt or buy a dog, you adopt dog hair all over your clothes. You adopt the cold nose suddenly touching your leg in the middle of the night. You adopt the seemingly pointless barking, the smelly dog-kibble breath and the affectionate, smiling snout slobbering all over your keyboard.

Hi there! Whatcha doin’?

But wait, there’s more! In a package with a dog comes also the dog smell all over your house. Contrary to common belief dogs don’t smell bad. It’s just a smell that you have to grow up with to be able to accept it. Dogs don’t stink (except when they do… occassionaly. It’s their festive smell, every dog has his/her own favorite – “l’eau de dead rat” or “parfume du horse waste” are the most popular choices). It’s just how they smell. Did your dog ever gave you hard time about how you smell? No? That’s because he loves you and accepts you for who you are – so don’t be a dick and go give him a treat.

Among many other benefits you get with your dog are (depending on the model) your favorite flip flops being chewed on, your dirty laundry being stolen (and chewed on), your food being licked, your pants being drooled on and – if you’re very lenient – you, getting pushed out of your bed in the middle of the night because you didn’t leave enough space for him to stretch his paws.

Kind of like this, but the paws go into your face.

And if you’re anything like me – you’ll love it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to correct these behaviors if they annoy you. There are many great methods to teach your dog to behave (and if you choose well he will have the time of his life while learning!) and by all means, you should use them. And there are some behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable, like unjustified aggressiveness.

But if nothing works – and sometimes it just doesn’t – there’s just one thing to do. Accept it. Learn to love your dog for who he/she is. My dog is far from perfectly trained, which is mostly our – me and my sister’s – fault. And sometimes he drives us to insanity with his barking, nagging and drooling. But at the end of the day we sit down, drink wine, share the “you won’t believe what the dog did today!” stories and think that it’s kind of cool to have a dog with a rock star personality.

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